Let’s chat about grief and some of the emotions & hurdles we face as a widow

Hi everyone, happy Saturday!! 

It’s opening weekend for deer season which means my Mom and I have the house to ourselves while my Dad’s hunting with friends. Today we’re going shopping for Christmas things but before telling y’all about the places were stopping by and heading out to shop, we’re going to talk about the feelings that come with the grief of losing you significant other. It’s such a hard journey, especially if your navigating the journey alone like I am.

Since early 2015 when I met Tyler, I knew the day would come where we would have to say our goodbyes here but I didn’t imagine it to be this hard. There is a quote I’ve found in multiple places since losing Tyler and it says “Grief never ends… but it changes. It’s a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith… It is the price of Love. “. I find this to be very true and not just for widows but for anyone grieving a loss. You don’t grieve the loss of someone unless you loved them, whether that be as a friend or lover. Something else I read in an article online is that you never completely recover from your grieving process but with time the intensity typically lessens and I feel like that is true too. I am only a year and about 18 months into this new life as an unmarried widow but I do have a pretty good feeling that I can believe in and am okay with that. It’s okay that there are things we’ve gone through that have changed us. There also may be some things you carry with you, there are definitely things I’ve carried with me along this new journey.  Adjusting to this new life is hard and a work in progress, you just have to make sure that you are grieving and working through things in a healthy way and not obsessing.  Me for instance, I have a lot of Tyler’s things as well as two picture frames I custom made with a quote in the middle and mini polaroids all around. His Mom, who knew the connection Tyler and I had and the love we always had for each other, was also kind enough to let me have the one cologne that he used to wear all the time, that smelt like him. There are certain things that are very near and dear to my heart that I will cherish forever and protect with my life. It’s okay to have things like this, things that make you feel close to them still, things that remind you of them, just don’t have a million things all over the place and like I said, obsess.. 
The article I found which I will source at the end, said something else about grief that I think very accurate. It is normal to feel occasional happiness while you are still grieving and I can attest to this. It’s been a lot of ups and downs the last year and 18ish months but thats just how grief is y’all. One minute you can be happy and finally showing a little smile and the next, completely balling your eyes out. That’s just a part of it, you have to go with the flow and work through those emotions as they come. If you don’t work through those emotions when they come and work through the grief and all of the feelings that come with the grief, you will continue to just push all of those emotions down. There will come a time where you have to face those emotions and if you’ve pushed them down for so long, it will be so much harder than working through them right after the loss. I know it’s hard and it seems impossible to get through but I promise you, you will get through it, stay strong and feel those feelings my loves.

Self care is so so important during the grieving process and hell, even years after your loss! As I said above, we never recover completely from our grieving process and if you check out my Life after loss, learning about the Other Side & upcoming plans to stay tuned for! blog post, I talk about how as time passes, those intense moments of grief come less frequently. Something else I’ve found out through my grief journey, the inevitable time I talk a lot about and the information I found in the article online is those moments that come less and less over time are also not as intense with time. They don’t completely go away, you’ll always have those moments of sadness that pass which is why I think it is so important to put time into self care, even years after your loss and I’ve learned that I have to take time to take care of myself. If I am experiencing these intense emotions or having a rough couple days, it’s okay to take time to work through that and recharge and I’ve had to work on that and really take the time my body and mind needs. I honestly think keeping up self care as maintenance is super important especially since those moments of sadness can still come and go years later.  We’ve just gone through something so devastating and traumatic and deserve to treat ourselves… Make a list of things you can refer back to when you are having a rough time. I have been working on my own list so that I have a good reference of things I can do during those times. One thing that has helped me so much in my grief journey is a book that I’ve talked about before, Widows Wear Stilettos by Carole Brody Fleet. You can read my Grieving over the holidays, especially the firsts… blog post where I dive deeper into her book that saved me like the first books I talked about in my first blog post, A sneak peek into my new life, widowhood… and the books that saved me! There is even a discount code for any of my tattoo lovers following along in my grieving over the holidays post I linked above.

Alright so today, first on our list is getting ornaments for the ornament exchange in the neighborhood. My Mom ended up getting one of her and my Dad’s ornaments in Georgia and it is so so cute! The other day when showed me the ones they got, she goes “Well I guess we’ll need to start looking for another ornament since you’ll probably want this now.” and I go “Haha yep I will be stealing that one for sure!!”. So tomorrow we’re on the hunt for two ornaments and then we’re going to make a stop at Walmart to possibly get some Christmas decorations for the front of the house. One other place we’re going to stop by is a place in Arlington called Decorator’s Warehouse. It is an over 60,000 sq/ft warehouse completely FULL of Christmas things. From Christmas trees to ornaments, home decor and gifts.. It is a Christmas Wonderland and my real life heaven! They are open for around half to 3/4 of the year I think, I haven’t been over there in a bit and it isn’t on their website but once we run by there today, I’ll update this post with the months they are open which I am pretty sure is around the same timeframe every year, you’d just have to check their social media if you wanted to go when they open around summertime as I’m sure the exact date varies by year! They also have a 12 weeks of Christmas sale every year where specific things every week for 12 weeks are on sale!! Their website will also show what is on sale for that week.

I hope y’all enjoy your weekend, I’m definitely about to enjoy my day today!! Christmas shopping makes my heart so so happy. Earlier this week I posted on my Instagram story about starting to get my Christmas decor set up and I’ve already made a good dent in getting everything set up!! Keep a look out on my Instagram and hit the follow button to stay tuned for a new reel of my whole Christmas village set up!!

As always, talk soon..

Source: Good Therapy, https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/grief
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