I’m so glad it’s the weekend. Relieved.. I haven’t been working much the last few weeks due to my health issues piling up again and with everything that I normally have going on, my body is constantly fighting something and is pretty much just burnt out at this point. I’m tired even though I’m barely doing anything and quite frankly, it’s very disheartening. It has however given me time to sit, think and reflect on quite a bit, along with my natural tendency to overthink every single little thing that crosses my brain. Not only have I been able to reflect and think on a lot but I’ve been able to focus more on ME and what I need. I think people get so consumed with going going going and doing things to make others happy and please others. What I have realized over the last year and a half or so, is that I matter. My health matters. My emotions and grief matter. I am the only one who will put those things first. So that is what I have been doing. A lot of that for me is rest. I could probably sleep at least 12 hours a day if I was in the position to and still be tired. Which is a big part of the reason I have been MIA on Instagram. My sleep is so precious and my body needs so much of it to keep fighting daily. The grief new life as an unmarried widow just makes it all that much harder..
I saw something someone posted the other day and it spoke to me. She was saying how it had been weird to post or come up with captions that would accurately depict how life had been recently. I felt that. I mean let’s be honest.. When things are going pretty shitty, there isn’t much to post about other than the miserable things you are experiencing. People don’t want to or don’t care to hear about all of the troubles you are facing either and to be quite honest, despite being unbelievably sympathetic and empathetic, I probably wouldn’t want to hear about all my shit either.. Without a doubt, it is so hard to find things to post about or captions to come up with, when not much is really happenin’ and when your down in the dumps. I could relate to that, still do if I’m being perfectly honest but the whole point of Widowish in Dallas is to be raw and share all of the ups and downs of my new journey through widowhood.
Things may not be so great right now and I will spare y’all the boring details but I am hoping things on the health front start to look up soon, especially with the holidays coming up. Even though I lost Tyler last year, I still look forward to the holidays. They have always been my favorite part of the year and what I looked forward to the most. Even though they do look totally and completely different, sadder than usual, lacking all of my loves sweet laughter and leaving an unimaginable void that can’t be filled at those special times, I have to find some joy in the things that used to bring so much light to my life. The grief will be here forever but so will these holidays too. You just have to learn how to enjoy the little things as those grief moments come and go. One of my favorite things about the holidays is all of the decorations and that is one thing I still get excited about and love to partake in!! If you need any holiday decorating tips or ideas, hit me up, I won’t let ya down, am happy to help and my DM’s are always open!
It does make me a bit sad that I don’t really have much to talk or post about right now but one thing I do know is it won’t be like this forever, things will turn around. I may not have much content at the moment but that’s okay! I think it’s okay to have lulls where there’s not much going on, life isn’t always crazy and moving a hundred miles a minute. But I am still here and doing the best that I can, showing up and giving my all. Despite the fact that Tyler isn’t here anymore, I am still looking forward to the holidays and hope you all can find some of the little things to enjoy during this time as well. Some of the things that still bring me joy around the holidays are my steamed apple juice with chai tea from Starbucks (perfection🤌🏻), all of the holiday decorating, hot chocolate with little marshmallows, I could probably sit here and think of a million and one little things I love and find joy in during the holidays. Maybe that is something I can talk about soon, the little things we can find joy in while adjusting to our new life in widowhood. If you are new to this unfortunate club, it is hard to see some light at the end of the tunnel and find little things that bring you happiness but that is why I am here, to help you find those little things it is hard to see right now.
I hope you all enjoy your weekend, you deserve it! For now this is all I have but stay tuned for my weekly Wednesday blog post and the start of the Recipes section. I have a feeling things will start to turn around and we will have more to chat about in the near future!
Talk soon!
XO
Lauren
