Grieving over the holidays, especially the firsts…

Hello my lovelies, Happy Columbus Day and happy last day to your long weekend!

I’m just going to dive right on in today ya’ll… Widow talk! As we all may know, grieving the loss of your spouse in and of itself is so incredibly hard but then we have to add all of these holiday firsts in the first year following their passing?!! Why not just go ahead and completely rip our heart out? It may seem daunting, looking ahead and thinking about all of these holiday firsts without them and that’s okay. It was for me too. You will probably hear quite a few people say, with time it gets better or with time it gets easier. Hell even typing this, I still don’t know the right word to use after “With time it gets…”. Maybe easier and better could coincide in this instance? I do know it is true though. You won’t believe it is true, neither did I, but it is and it does get better/easier, shit, whatever word you feel you can insert💀💀 I can promise you that!

A lot of my knowledge about this came with the unfortunate “time” and a specific book. Another saving grace! I seriously encourage any widow, married or unmarried, to get this book I am about to tell you about which you can get right here! It has helped me so so much already and I haven’t even completely finished it! It is called Widows Wear Stilettos by Carole Brody Fleet. The cover says “A Practical & Emotional Guide for The Young Widow” and that it is! This book validated so many things for me, especially being an unmarried widow. I hadn’t heard that specific term and it was so comforting and validating for someone to say that I, in fact, was a widow. Just an unmarried one! That’s where the idea for the name of this blog came from actually! Since I am an unmarried widow, I figured widow(ish) fit the bill perfectly! Her book also gave me some pretty amazing tools given this new life. I ended up going to an in person grief support group in the DFW area and I am so glad I did because that is where I was recommended this book! In the group, by the facilitator, who was also a young widow! It is also one of the contributing factors into my decision of starting this blog!! I do want to first say that a bit of my suggestions and what I am going to talk about next came from the lovely Carole Brody Fleet. I want to share some of the amazing tidbits from her book that have helped me but also don’t want to write too much and spoil things because her book is truly life changing and you definitely have to read the whole book for yourself because there is so much more than just the little parts I will mention!!

Now, back to it! We do have to keep on moving forward though. We don’t have to move ON, just forward. I honestly don’t remember for the life of me where I heard or read that, possibly in the Widows Wear Stilettos book but I think it’s a great way of putting it because I don’t think we have to move on. I think that is the wrong word to use there frankly and when people possibly say that to you, it does and will sting and it’s like, what the actual fuck?! Who moves ON from their spouse dying? We can move forward with time and I don’t know about you but I’m definitely not moving ON!! 

Now off my widow rant and back to the subject at hand. Moving forward. That includes getting through those first holidays I mentioned. That doesn’t by any means, mean you “have to” go to all of these holiday festivites. If it is shortly after their passing or even if it has been a little while and you aren’t feeling up for it just yet, don’t feel that you “have to” go. That is completely normal and TOTALLY okay to not feel ready or up for it yet! You can however, still have a little celebration of some sort on your own if that is what you wish or if you don’t feel up to a big crowd or party. If you just want something small and quiet but don’t want to be alone, invite someone close to you over!!  On holidays like Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and Easter for instance, you could go out to their favorite restaurant and order their favorite drink or appetizer. Or treat yourself and order both (my suggestion)! For holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas, bake their favorite dish or dessert. I think you could even do it every Thanksgiving and Christmas, hell, every major holiday! Make that a new tradition to carry on in their memory, it will be so much more comforting than you may think!!

Something not everyone may think of on this topic and something I didn’t even think of before this book is the first that aren’t on the calendar. They may be different for everyone but one that is universal is the first date you have after your loves passing. Now, Carole delights us with tasteful humor in just about every chapter, including the one about the firsts, not on the calendar so I am going to tread lightly because you will definitely get a good laugh out of this chapter, I sure did! She talks about how whenever you mention you are a widow to any new potential romantic interest, how they basically look at you like you have ten heads and just back off after that news. She figures out why through a gentleman friend of hers and I don’t want to paraphrase that part because how she goes about that conversation is just hilarious, you just have to get the book for yourself!! Like I said earlier, this book is seriously a must read for any young widow, married or unmarried and right now there is less than 20 left in stock on Amazon so runnn and go order one here before they’re gone!

Before I let ya’ll get back to the busy week ahead, I thought I’d share something with my fellow widowers that may help in your grieving journey and maybe even some that aren’t widows that are in need of some amazing tattoo care products. What brings me to talking about Mad Rabbit Tattoo is a post I came across in my Young Widows group on Facebook not long ago. One of the sweet young widows in there shared with us that she had a little bit of her spouses ashes added into one of her new tattoos she had gotten in memory of her late spouse. I thought that was an absolutely incredible idea and she fully supported others using her idea!! Of course I am already covered in tattoos and I was like well I definitely have to do that. I have a special plan for most of the ashes I do have of Tyler but that will be a little extra thing I have to plan now! Which means I am going to need to stock up on my Coconut&Vanilla Tattoo Balm tins from Mad Rabbit considering how many tattoos I already have.. I came across this company last year and they are such a great company. All of their products are made from all natural and organic ingredients and you can see what ingredients are in each product. They are also free of Parabens, Sulfates, Phthalates, Artificial Fragrances or Dyes and Petrolatum/Petroleum!! My favorite product of theirs is their Tattoo Balm which keeps my tattoos looking bright and fresh, both new and old! They also have body lotion, body wash, sunscreen, their body lotion in a TSA Approved size they released a few months ago and they just came out with their numbing cream if that’s something that interests you! You can also buy their products in bundles if your wanting a variety of their products and I have a code for my readers and followers that you can use at checkout for 20% off your entire order!! Just use my code LP20 at checkout and you can head over here to read more about their bomb ass tattoo care products and try out their Tattoo Balm! I will never live without the Coconut&Vanilla Tattoo Balm and I forgot to mention, it smells absolutely delicious😋

I hope you guys have a good week!!

Talk soon,

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